My friends little brother was like this as well, somehow I was the only one that could of calmed him down and relaxed him. I would help him out with his homework and what not and over the years I realized he would start doing this on purpose. He'd take advantage of it knowing his parents would listen to him eventually. He had manipulated them all. My question was does your brother ever take advantage of the situation and use it to his advantage? Does he sometimes "fake" these outbursts for his benefit?
Yes, all the time, and my Mom won't like hit him, he just refuses to go to school sometimes.
Yeah, he was like that as well then soon enough he started to have a stuttering problem and more anxiety, which lead to more out bursts.
Does he have manic episodes when acts like this or is it all the time?
Did he later apologize for attacking you?
Do the meds help or make matters worse?
Is his depression related to your parents divorce?
He has manic episodes which he basically becomes uncontrollable, and is physically and mentally abusive to my mom. He never acts out at my dad. Other than that he is always 'depressed'
At first he said he would never forgive me. Since then, he has apologized.
Currently the meds seem to do nothing. In the past they have only made it worse or temporarily.
My parents divorced when he was 2, and the depression started when he was 8ish. My parents are very very civil now, but he controls their lives in a sense.
I wish there were simple solutions for stuff like this. You may just have to focus on yourself and if that means removing yourself from the situation then so be it. Best wishes to you and your brother.
Yeah, I'm actually living away at college now, and only witness it when I come home. Basically my parents have given up, as they've tried everything that 'experts' have told them to do. Children's hospital can't help them anymore, and the one in Boston is pretty good.
I'm at a point where I'm basically ashamed of my brother. He plays WoW for 8+ hours a day, my mom can't control him, and my dad works too much to help.
have you ever tried cutting off his internet access? letting him play his games may enable him to act so that he gets his way. i realize this may have him experience another "fit" but your mom needs to stand firm with her disciplining. if he gets violent, have him locked up for a bit where he won't have internet access there either. he has to realize he can't get his way. one day he is going to go out into the world to live on his own and when someone does something he doesn't like, even though they have the right to do whatever it is they are doing, he is going to snap on them and be taken to "big boy" jail. by enabling him to get his way, your mom is setting him up for failure in the real world
I really wish you would stop putting quotes around the word depressed.
why? I know depression is real. Based on his actions and attitude I'm not even sure its really depression anymore.
it doesn't sound like depression and all the different types of medications do not sound like they are working.
I agree with you, but I think OP is at the end of his chain here. When people become depressed (like myself) they do not become the center of the universe. They are hurting other people.
do you treat him like he's crazy and your scared of him?
For a short bit I was somewhat afraid to sleep in the same house as him. He ended up in the hospital soon after because he was deemed too dangerous to himself or others to stay at home.
Is it hard to understand your brother's condition? Not a lot of people believe depression is a real disease (I am not one)
Let me say this first, I believe depression is a real disease. Hell, I'm currently a psych major.
When it comes to my brother, I really don't know. I have tried to understand it for years, and my only real conclusion is this:
My brother has a very serious anxiety (possibly social) disorder. He has a low self esteem as well. When it comes to doing thing he is anxious about, he will become angry, upset, violent, anything to avoid having to do what he wants to do. Oh, did I mention that this little fuck is smart? Smart enough to manipulate my mom to the point that for a point she hated herself , and believed she was a horrible parent.
He's basically ruined my mom/dad's lives for the past 6 years, and changed my life as well.
Sounds like a sociopath, regardless of whatever other disorders like anxiety and depression came bundled with this guy. I'm assuming your mother is not a very assertive person, so she'll be no use. Does he ever demonstrate any genuine empathy?
An assumption about this family was made with every sentence, especially from such a thin general context given about the situation. Be careful of that shit.
His brother emotionally manipulates his mother and manipulated her into thinking it's her own fault. The kid reeks of evil. Sociopaths are 1% of the population, it is not an unfair or rash assumption.
I agree that given his description of what happened that his brother definitely is a bit off. But to assume that mom can't do shit, and that the brother is a sociopath is a big leap. THere are hundreds of variables affecting this, ranging from chemical imbalances to the brain to larger societal discourses and treatment modalities that may be hindering his ability to get effective treatment. All I'm sayin' is we don't have all the facts :)
Yes all the time, that's what confuses me.
Do you think that the empathy could possibly be fake? Ive met people who were like that.. faked emotions of empathy just so seem more sane. or they think its what people want to hear. what they think they should be saying because it seems right?
I'm no psycho major but what you're describing sounds like a psychopath..
indeed.
Stop labelling everything as a condition for fucks sake. He sounds like a little asshole who has been overindulged, and as a result he's gotten worse with no discipline or guidance. In short, a brat
Sounds a lot like my brother, he's depressed because of what happened when we were younger with my father's suicide, and he also has been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, which means hes quite smart but it also causes him to be very...moody if you will. He has had fits of rage and screamed suicidal rants at me and my mother, though i believe its gotten better as of late. I still worry im going to get a call that he has hurt or killed himself because he got upset over something relatively trivial.
I hope everything works itself out for you and your brother.
I've never considered/heard aspergers may be a possibility. The only thing is, he isn't really socially awkward, hes just really really concerned with what people think of him. Still though, that's probably something to look into.
What people tend to forget is that Aspergers is most commonly exhibited by behavior that reflects being uncomfortable in one's own skin. Also, Aspergers is believed to be minor autism, not just a disease of social awkwardness. I believe that your brother may feel so uncomfortable and anxious that he tends to perceive those who he should love as his subjects because he finds manipulation easier than the idea of actually earning respect. He definitely does exhibit signs of either someone with severe anger issues, a sociopath, or someone with Aspergers. I think he needs help, or someone (him included) will get hurt
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I only said possibly social because he has many insecurities when dealing with his peers. Of course that's anxiety, but he cares far too much about what other people think is what I'm trying to say.
He has seen multiple psychiatrists that specialize in behavioral issues, and he lies to them. He lies straight up to their faces. He has yet to see a psychiatrist who has been able to gain his trust and get him to tell the truth. I think it's because after my brother went to the hospital he stopped trusting doctors.
Well he's still treated like a 14 year old for the most part, especially as he still is pretty immature, and at times I feel like he's babied. Out of the three of us, being me my Mom and my Dad, I would say I treat him more as a patient compared to my parents, which is probably why he doesn't get the help he needs.
I realise you're not saying otherwise but I'd just like to say, from first hand experience I know that depression is real and is not something you can simply "get over" as some ignorant people suggest. It can hit you at any time, no matter how good or bad things are going in your life and is impossible to shrug off.
Depression is absolutely real, and to say otherwise is pretty ignorant of the facts. That said, it has absolutely become over-diagnosed, and its use in popular culture and other factors have led to a grossly misinformed general public. Far too many people use the term "depression" to refer to situations that aren't actually clinical depression.
Is he able to make and keep friends or does he alienate everyone?
Does he behave like this everywhere or only at home?
Has he discovered Weed yet?
He only behaves like this at my (his) Moms house, not in front of my dad. He's scared to behave like this in front of other people, since he is really self conscious.
He has not discovered weed yet, and I hope he never does
He obviously has problems, but he knows how to control himself when he has to. I think that's a good sign. Too bad none of the professionals have been able to help him yet. There's a chance that he will improve as he matures. I hope you are able to establish/maintain a relationship with him. Even if he doesn't show it I'm sure he values his big brother's opinion and affection.
Edit: I asked about the Weed because some people claim it helps with depression and anxiety and some others say it hurts.
Yeah I totally get why you asked, and I smoke myself. While I only smoke from time to time, sadly I don't think introducing him to something like weed would be good at his age, or at his maturity level , even though it could help.
don't be so hasty. that could be his answer.
That's sad.. He deserves a good medicine. Like weed.
wow that is a horrible story. hope your bro gets better
Was there a traumatic event that led or contributed to his mental problems?
None that I'm aware of
Has he ever tried to purposefully hurt you because of something you did that might have made him mad? Or is it more of a general attack against everything around him?
I would call it more of a general attack, but if anyone gets in his way it will be directed at that.
So yeah, in the past he has tried to purposefully hurt me while I was between him and my mom.
I've had my little brother flip his shit on me before a few times (I don't know if its anything medical, but from what I can tell he has some pretty serious anger/stress management issues) and once I finally just left the house while he screamed from inside the house while I called my mom. Fortunately, he's either too weak or just a shitty fighter to overpower me, but he has tried to throw chairs at me before. However, he's fine 98% of the time, unless you can count just being a dick as an issue. Do you ever think that maybe he might end up killing someone?
If I seriously sit down and think about it, yes, but only when he goes manic and violent.
What kills me is he's really a nice kid, but he's dealing with something that he's not getting help for.
Have you found any method that makes dealing with him (by that, I mean keeping him out of these manic and violent fits) easier?
What about any medicines?
Serious question: Has he tried smoking weed? It could help to just chill him out a bit, maybe even help to bring him out of his shell, but on the other hand, I've also heard a lot about weed bringing out psychological disorders (like depression) in people.
I've never really found any way to make it easier to deal with him, medicines don't work, and as someone who smokes himself, I don't want to introduce him to that myself, and I think he's way too young for it. He's only 14
from what you are describing it seems like he is going to kill himself or someone else, especially when he gets older and stronger. so what do you have to lose?
Why do you keep putting quotes around the word depressed? Do you believe depression is not a valid medical condition?
At this point I dont know if he's really depressed. I personally believe it's some kind of anxiety disorder. I understand depression pretty well, and know lots of people who have had it, its just that sometimes based on his actions and attitude I doubt whether or not he really is, that's just what some (not all) of his doctors have called it.
In all honesty it sounds like you should just kick his ass. Seriously, sometimes literally a good shit kicking is enough to open some eyes.
Is there any reason for his depression, such as bullying, etc?
None that anyone is aware of.
does the school allow your brother to miss so much school?
would a girlfriend help your brother at all? have you tried that?
alliance or horde? (off topic, i know :P)
The school tried to get involved at first, but now they basically allow it to continue.
I dont know about his social life/girlfriends, and yeah that probably would help, but he misses so much school anyways.
Alliance, level 85 human pally, highest level raid gear.
If you said he only acts like this in your mom's house but doesn't in front of anyone else, it sounds like he's just taking advantage of your mom because he knows he's got her number. Has he ever lived with just your dad? If so, how did that work out? If not, why haven't you tried that?
That's somewhat of a temporary fix now. He does manipulate my mom, but my Dad works wayyy to much to have full time care of him. Its currently a week on week off situation between the two houses.
Sadly, your dad NEEDS to do something. Your brother living at your mothers is not going to help him. He needs a change of environment, someone he respects and has authority, his father. My parents are divorced and my brother had similar behaviour issues until my dad took custody after my Mom had enough. Changing the environment well he still has time to mature is your best bet right now. He will still act up, but he will get better and learn to respect others. Every experience is different, but it worked for myself, and my brother. Its worth a shot, and I understand you father works to much etc, but if he really cares about your brother he will act accordingly. It is his offspring afterall.
Yeah, I know that would help deep down. Unfortunately my dad is in the emergency services, and is on call/working 24/7, as he is the only one in the department. He basically serves as the head of the IT department, and cannot risk something breaking and him not being around. He can take my brother about half the time, and it's better then, but he can't take him full time. When my brother goes back to my mom's he works literally three days straight without sleep to make up for time lost
Ah, yeah thats pretty shitty. Hopefully everything works out in the end though. Good luck.
I hope it turns out better for you, but my mother's friend's son, who is my age and I grew up with was very similar. He even kicked his mom knocking her down a flight of steps one time (he was about 13). Took all kinds of meds that didn't do shit for him. In the end, now he's an adult and while it isn't comparable to his childhood, he still acts the same way.
Have you considered it may be Bipolar disorder? Maybe with some anxiety as well? Seems to me like he may be having manic episodes with his depression.
For a time I believed it was some kind of Bipolar disorder, but that was ruled out at some point in time by his psychiatrist. As for the anxiety, he definitely is an anxious kid, but it seems like there is more of an underlying issue to his problems I guess.
Fuck man. This sounds like my little brother. He's in the 5th grade right now, he's missed like 57 days of school... he's not really depressed/suicidal though. He does get angry pretty easily... oh jeeze. This worries me.
Yeah, never would I have guessed that my brother would be depressed for what, 6 years.
The only thing I can say I'm glad about looking back is that I've always tried to be there for my brother I guess, like when he wasn't getting along with my Mom he can come to me
Is he social at all in real life?
very social but has many insecurities he can't get over.
You say he's been depressed for about 6 years - if I remember correctly that's about how long ago WoW came out wasn't it? Has he been playing WoW this whole time, and if so, do you think there may be a connection?
He uses WoW as an outlet to escape from reality and get away from the world, that's the only connection I can see.
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It really depends on the situation. If it's directed towards me, or he is trashing the house, than I will try and calm him down. Back then I would call my mom if that didn't work and now I live at college.
If he is just upset he usually goes to his room, and cries or hits his wall or slams stuff around.
I apologize if this was already answered. Why don't you have your brother stay with your dad for awhile?
He does every other week for a whole week, but my dad can't take him due to his work, as he is technically on the clock 24/7, and may have to leave home at any time.
I can't help but feel that if your father could somehow become more of a presence in your brothers life, that it could make some sort of difference. Having said that, who really knows... sounds like you all have tried everything as is. I'm really sorry your family is going through this heartache, and I'm hoping for a breakthrough soon.
Do you ever think that the prescription drugs he is taking are partly to blame? Sorry it's been asks already.
No questions are completely welcome. Some of the drugs have definitely made it worse. Others have had no effect at all. Part of the problem is that there are zero (used to be one) antidepressants which are approved for children his age.
When I say approved, I'm unsure if its FDA approved or generally accepted by psychiatrists. I'm just recalling from memory.
Have you ever wondered if there's any chance he could be doing drugs? I know that might sound absurd and I'm not even saying it's likely, but I just remember watching a series of shows about younger teens acting out like this and then the parents realizing they were doing drugs..
I myself have been treated with major depression ranging from simple therapy to being put in a hospital. I can't say that I know what your brother is feeling, but I'm sure I am on the right track. When you have depression (or at least i do) you tend to constantly play games with yourself. You will all of a sudden become happy, and then one split second you become violent and aggressive. I dont know if that's what he has. I would tend to overreact to things and not find a way to release the pain. Has he ever tried an alternative option? Like sports or something that will cheer him up?
i know this isn't really a question (and this is a serious suggestion) but have you ever introduced him to marijuana? I feel like weed would be a good coping agent. I say this because...Two of my best friends were in a car accident, one of them died in a horrific manner (decapitated in front of her eyes) and weed has been the only thing that has allowed her to cope with the pain she suffers every day. just a suggestion. peace, love, happiness.
Your brother needs some help and I don't suppose you do too. I don't think any Reddit armchair psychology is going to help either of you. I would start first by going to your school's counseling services. I know it sounds like a drag but these people are paid to know how to deal with your situation and while they can't offer you solutions, they can give you tools for dealing with it all.
Best of luck.
You seem to have misread something. He has gotten help in the past. I am not looking for help, and I don't believe anyone on Reddit can help me anyways. Just tellin my story
I think you need help too! Who doesn't need help coming out of situations like that. It's obviously on your mind pretty hard if you want to share it with everyone. That's all man, don't take offense, good luck again!
Can I ask if he's overweight or "nerdy" ? IMO your mother should just send him away to some type of boarding school or boot camp... I mean if your dad works so much they should probably be able to afford it, right? I'll bet that he wouldn't be having these outbursts when he has to be around a bunch of other dudes 24/7
Did you guys have to put him down?
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Aspergers isn't something that just pops up at age 14. If your father died from cancer shortly after then could it be that your brother became depressed and detached because your father was sick?
I think he always had aspergers, it was just undiagnosed. And the depression had begun long before my father became ill.
Hmm okay I guess I was confused by your wording. You said shortly after the depression and anxiety your father passed so I was confused.
how can a second grader be so depressed? just not enought of fruit cups?
Probably the "mental imbalance" sort of depression rather than the "i got up on the wrong side of the bed today" depression that everyone diagnoses themselves with on a bad day
I dunno, that's what confuses me the most
What happened during the incident?
What happened was I was in my basement with my best friend. My brother was upstairs, on the computer. Apparently, he was upset about something that had happened, and was making noise, knocking down stools and chairs, and just making a mess of the house. Me and my friend went upstairs to check it out. The situation didn't get any better. He was upset because of an incident and school, and then his computer having a virus.
When he gets to this point, he stops listening. I would best describe it as a blind rage, almost like brief insanity. I told him I was calling mom, and grabbed the phone, while my best friend was standing between him and the kitchen knives, as he had threatened to kill himself in the past.
The second I picked up the phone my brother freaked out even more. He knew I was calling my mom and was terrified of what might happen. At that point he lunged at the knives, grabbing one as my friend grabbed his right wrist and managed to get him to the ground.
At this point my brother is on his back with my friend on top of him with a knife in his hand. I'm on my phone with my Mom, who starts to come home from work. I get the knife out of my brothers hand , got a bit cut in the process, and hold him down until my mom and the police arrive (she called 9-1-1).
My brother was taken to the hospital to have his mental stability evaluated and ended up being required to stay for two weeks.
Wow...